It’s not that you never tried. It’s not that you never endured sleepless nights, worked multiple jobs, over tipped, volunteered, gave your sandwich away to a man on a street corner. You dropped change, you used your metro card for a stranger, you bought that guy coffee because he forgot his wallet. You smiled at strangers. You gave and gave, but you didn’t get what you deserved. You deserved the best and what you got was a straight line. It was nothing to speak of. What you got was a life of watching reruns on television. What you did was find new paths to distraction. And with decades of practice, you have become very good at navigating spaces alone. You have learned to move through crowds. You have defined every possible way to be solo. But this shit is getting old. It’s wearing you down.
The world is an asshole because it has given you not the best, but the good enough. The okay, that’s cool. The world has given you a pass. The world has given you a common face and a common name and a common story.
The world is an asshole because it has told you to give up. Time and time again it has told you to give up. Not by making you endure any great hardship, because in its own grotesque way that would be extraordinary. No, the world has told you to give up by making you, in all ways, average. Your loneliness is no match for the loneliness of others. Your body is neither grotesque nor sublime. Your skin is curdled, your breasts are slightly more than adequate. Your hands are showing age. Your legs have a nice shape, but veins are starting to show, everything is falling and rising to the surface.”