colporteur.

kind of excited to finish Little Big Planet 2 simply to hear Passion Pit’s Sleepyhead play throughout the credits

youdsay:

I always had a real problem with this show, but I watched it every sunday anyway because it came on right after america’s funniest home videos and we didn’t have cable so there was nothing else to watch anyway. my problem initially began as a selfish one - I was upset that all of these families were getting fancy new houses and cars and shit just because someone’s dad was a firefighter or something. my dad was a janitor; where the hell was my new house?

but the more episodes I watched, the more I realized just how soulless all those houses were. the builders would always ask the kids “so whaddaya like? whaddaya want your room to have in it?” and the kids would say “batman!” or “makeup!” or “horsies!” or “aaron carter!” then they’d come back a week later with a huge bedroom done entirely in the theme they chose. and, I mean, an aaron carter themed bedroom might be cool for a week or two. you discover the secret drawer next to the crotch of the enormous aaron carter wall mural you have, and that’s neat. you fall asleep every night surrounded by aaron carter dolls and aaron carter pillowcases and aaron carter music flows softly from the speakers built into your ceiling.

for a while, you’re the ballingest kid in town.

but a few months later, aaron carter drops off the radar and is replaced with justin timberlake, and suddenly you realize that maybe you weren’t as big an aaron carter fan as you thought you were. but there isn’t anything you can do, because the folks at extreme makeover: home edition have made aaron carter a nonnegotiable, integral part of your life. it’s not like you can just change your room around, because aaron carter’s fucking face is emblazoned on the built-in carpeting.

over the years, you try different methods of dealing with your now inappropriate room. you tape johnny depp and hilary duff posters over all the aaron carters painted on your walls, but there’s nothing you can do about the carpet. you swap out your aaron carter comforter for a jonas brothers one, but your bed is still shaped like aaron carter’s face. and no matter how hard you try, you can’t figure out how to get those speakers to stop playing “that’s how I beat shaq”.

extreme makeover: home edition has imprisoned you in ’90s preteen hell.

for your fourteenth birthday, you ask your parents to redo your room. but the $50,000 the show’s producers gave them has long since vanished, mostly to the electricity bills for their enormous fucking house. instead, they get you an avril lavigne cd and $50. you play the cd as loud as you can to drown out the aaron carter that’s flowing softly from your ceiling, and you use the $50 to buy some pills from a ninth grader. he says the pills will take you to a different place, and that sounds exactly like what you need. when you get home, you lie down on your bed, take the pills, and soon fall asleep. you wake up groggy thirteen hours later in the place you were trying to escape from. it turns out the ninth grader had only sold you benadryl.

you work hard all throughout high school, not so you can become successful and thrust yourself into a lifetime of academia, but so that you can get into college far, far away from your prison of pop. finally, at 18, you are free. you go to the university of wyoming and major in communications. and never do you return to the house that was built for you on national television.

extreme makeover: home edition has ruined your childhood. it’s enough to make you wish you hadn’t screamed to move that bus.

On top of Egypt going up in flames, Nelson Mandella’s health is questionable as he spends a second night in hospital. During this CNN is talking about Charlie Sheen, a piano, and the Kardashians.